Monday, September 29, 2014

I make jokes! You know that?

Namaste!

So I learned recently that's the typical Indian greeting, and in Hinduism it means something like"I bow to the divine in you." So that's pretty cool... But I've never met anyone that really uses it. Usually it's just, "Howzit?" Indians are really good at speeding up conversations. Instead of wasting time structuring out a proper sentence and saying, "Where were you going?" it'll usually just be, "Where you was going?" Or if you wanted to ask, "Did you know that?" it'll just be, "You know that?" As long as the point gets across, I guess it's all good, right?

Man... So here's an experience you'll only have as a missionary. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Pop Pop, maybe this will bring back memories of Guatemala... Saturday night we taught a lesson to a referral from Benny and Naleen (more on that in a minute), and they invited us for dinner afterwards. Sister Naleen had cooked some truly lekker biryani for us, and I knew that the price to be paid for it would be paid sometime the next day. We went home and slept that night and woke up to a beautiful Sabbath day. Sunday mornings are usually a little more relaxed since you don't have to worry about working out or hitting the 8 o'clock deadline for studies. I took the time to jam a little bit on the guitar, and as I was doing so, Elder Mphaka hopped in the shower. A couple minutes went by, and I felt a war starting in my stomach. The biryani was rallying its troops together, and I knew this was going to be a tough fight, but that if I could at least make it to the end of Elder Mphaka's time in the bathroom, victory would be mine. Well, my friends, the biryani came ready for battle that morning. The troops started advancing, and it became harder and harder to hold them back. Minutes started feeling like hours, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to resist much longer. I began pacing up and down, fighting as hard as I could, but despite my efforts to keep it in, this was a battle that would have to be fought outside my body. At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in my trousers and make a mess of them, or find some other means of containing the inevitable. At this moment of great alarm, just as it was nearly too late, I rushed to the kitchen, grabbed the closest pot I could get a hold of, dropped my shorts, and squatted. This no sooner happened than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. 

My dear brothers and sisters, a wise elder told me months ago that you're not a real missionary until you've pooped your pants. I'm here to testify to you today, that there is not another way under the heavens that you can come closer to being classified as a real missionary without attaining that title. I still haven't told Elder Mphaka the events of that fateful morning, but perhaps the right time will be when one of us is transferred away. Some things are better left momentarily unsaid. 

Ah, but in other news! Absolutely fantastic week! Lots and lots going on, and lots and lots lying ahead! We've been working a bit on our stop smoking class, which will be culminating the 15th of October, and we're looking forward with excitement. We've been doing our best to get word out, and this week, we made flyers that a couple restaurants are leaving out on their counters. Usually the franchise restaurants like KFC and Nando's haven't allowed us to do so because of corporate whatever, but some of the little hole-in-the-wall places like Hot Pot have been more than welcome. It's interesting to me... Everyone we've talked to that has been smoking -- EVERYONE -- has answered yes to the question, "Have you ever had the desire to quit?" I think a lot of time we can look at people smoking as hooligans and bad people, but most of the time (all the time in these cases) they're good people that made a mistake once and want to change. We're looking forward to being able to help people with that.

The Mozambican families we started teaching last week have turned into powerhouses. Fernando especially. The four of them came to church this week and, at least on the husbands' part, they loved it! Fernando and Sam have been working in South Africa for a while, so they've learned English pretty well. Isabelle and Ines have been staying at home with the kids, so they're not understanding too much of what we say. But, Fernando and Sam are helping them. We managed to get the last couple Portuguese pamphlets from the mission office as well, so we've been reading with them from there, and they all committed to baptism. Pretty neat.

Bright and Octavia are doing as great as ever! We had Brother Mathew with us this week for a lesson with them, and boy... Was he the right member to have present! With some of the same things Bright's gone through, Mathew went through as well before he found the Church. He testified that the people you meet at bars that are your "friends," aren't really your friends. There was a time he ended up in the hospital after drinking too much, and the only people that were there for him -- visiting him, calling him, that sorta thing -- were his family and the members of the Church. The Spirit was there, and they're just doing wonderfully.

A pleasant surprise to us this week has been Ezron! He's the brother of Yvonne, and her and her husband Clive were referrals to us from the Tembos. The first lesson we had with them a few weeks ago, he was suspicious of us... When we asked for his phone number, he came up with an excuse not to give it, but this last week, he's been paying attention and asking great questions. He's been to church two weeks in a row now and is getting really into the Book of Mormon. What's made the difference? We can only say it's been the Spirit touching his heart! When the Spirit's there with you in missionary work, miracles happen! He committed this Saturday that if he comes to a knowledge for himself that these things are true, he'll be baptized. What more can we ask for? 

We've been working a bit with a brother named Calvin, and he's a lifelong member. Super great guy. He's in his 20s, suffers from schizophrenia, and is just one of the nicest, most humble people I've met. When he prays, he asks for things like the whole world to be happy and blessed. Truly selfless. He hasn't been active lately, but he was able to make it to church this Sunday. He sat by me during sacrament meeting and told me his favorite hymn is I am a Child of God. There's just a spirit about him that testifies to me that amongst all the bad in the world, there are some really, really good people out there, and he's one of them.

We've been a little weary lately every time Benny and Naleen give us a referral, because sometimes what will happen is Benny will tell us he's got someone that's very, very interested. When we get there, we'll ask what his feelings about religion are, only to hear the person say, "I have no interest in religion. I'm happy with my life." Haha... And sometimes Benny doesn't remember their names, either. But! Saturday night we were pleasantly surprised! He invited a husband and wife to his place that are in the process of converting to Christianity from Hinduism, so they're wanting to know the basics. Let me tell you... Teaching to someone without a Christian background is something else! We taught the Restoration, and usually people will know about prophets, about God, about what Christ did while he was on the earth, but this time around they didn't! We're teaching them again this week and learning the Plan of Salvation, so I'm pretty excited for that.

Hmmm... We had a fair share of rain yesterday. We're only allotted a certain number of kilometres to drive per month, so some days we decide to walk still. And it just so happened that the one day we decide to walk is the day Heavenly Father decides to answer our prayers for rain. That's how I know God has a sense of humour... But! It was jolly good fun and were able to meet a few people while we were walking around! Came back home that night to no electricity for twenty minutes or so... I was super bummed because I was about to make an omelette. I tried using matches to heat up a pan in the meantime, and Elder Mphaka kinda got a kick outta that. Didn't work, but the power came back a few minutes later and I was able to enjoy my omelette.

So what's on the schedule today... Saw a sign to join the Illuminati, so I think we'll do that! Benny and Naleen are teaching us how to make curry a little bit later, which I'm stoked for. Benny suggested a live chicken, which I'm all for... Still haven't slaughtered one yet. Fingers crossed Elder Mphaka's up for it too.

Branch activity coming up on Saturday, organized by the Elders of Stanger. Watching the Saratov Approach again, which I'm excited for. It's kinda like the Book of Mormon... You pick something new up every time. 

The gospel's true as ever. The weather's good. Life is good. More good times lie ahead.

Sala kahle, stay positive, and love your lives my friends.

Much love,

Umdala Johnson

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